Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
