3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
