it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
he had hair everywhere except his balls
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
