Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
