i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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