Your face is a jimmy john
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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