It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Duck Duck Cougar?
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
