We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
