Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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