I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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