what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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