The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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