I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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