she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
