Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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