Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize