You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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