I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I want to fling myself into the sun
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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