Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
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