i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
