i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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