she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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