God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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