I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
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I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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