wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
