Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
