I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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