i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
