Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
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