Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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