How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
