it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
