Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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