he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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