Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
