I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I can't put those talents on a resume
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
