i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
