I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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