i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
