I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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