There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
