He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
