We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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