Your mouth is God's brothel.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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