i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
