The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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