...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
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I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
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Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
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