i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
