dude i'm inner monologue high
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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