I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Do vagina's smell?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
