I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
