Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You've changed since you got that strap on
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
