I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Redeem this text for a blowjob
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
