We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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