OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
