Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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