yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Randomize
