I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
