Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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