the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
