Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize