I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
