Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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