My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
I did not marry a roomba.
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