He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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