I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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