Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
