I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
