you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
